I’m poor, I’m starving, I’m flat broke, I’ve got no cash to spend
Sell all my books for front row tickets to dave matthews band
My girlfriend’s at another school,
I know this year will test her
I called, found out she had three other boyfriends last semester

And that’s why I say
Oh no! not for me, not for me
Call it torture, call it university
No! arts and crafts is all I need
I’ll take calligraphy and then I’ll make a fake degree

80 grand later I found out that all that I had learned
Is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
The party scene is kinda mean, I think it’s sick and twisted
The navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that I enlisted

It’s time to call my father
Cause it’s his alma mater
Good grades aren’t what they seem
I think he knows the dean
It’s time to call my father
Cause it’s his alma mater
He says he’s proud of me
But college always was his dream
And I would always say it’s not for me

Oh no! not for me, not for me
Call it torture, call it university
No! arts and crafts is all I need
I’ll take calligraphy and then I’ll make a fake degree

Someone please save us, us college kids!
What my parents told me is what I did
They said go to school and be a college kid
But in the end I question why I did